Identity vs role confusion

I can edure everything. I'm strong cause I feel weak. I love pain, in fact I crave for it. Words, principles, idealism it comes with age and sudden burst of hormones. When you are there you feel invulnerable from the attacks of reality but suddenly...

I'm finally tired.

Tired of enduring it all. Tired of resisting conformity. Tired of fighting for my ideals. Tired of unearthing my passions.

Now I ask, does it come with age and sudden burst of hormones too? Or is it because this age's true destination is a desert of all things? If so what will I do?

All of these makes me reminisce to those times when I had a stock of overflowing reasons and ideals. I used to scream to the world what i am, who i am and where i want to go. There is even one conversation that stay embedded in my head until now. Someone told me that I can only afford to be like that before because I am young but sooner or later age will strip me off with all of that. I defended it with a vague and uncertain answer, "I will hold on to all my principles until I can". But the truth is I truly agree to what he said and that conversation made me anticipate more whats to come. And it is here now. The question is do I finally know what to do? or am I still fixated in the intersection of life?

My answer is I'm still searching...
The world vomits permanence so change is inevetable but even the waters of the ocean must be guided on what paths to take to avoid destruction.